Retrograde Downloads…

On Shedding by Adding

Today is the first day of Mercury in retrograde.

I don’t follow astrology closely, but I do pay attention to energy. And this morning I woke up with a quiet sense of anticipation — as if something is completing itself.

For the past two years, my life has been a slow and painful shedding.

A marriage.

A home.

A version of myself who believed she had to hold everything together.

Patterns of over-functioning.

The reflex to perform for love.

The habit of losing myself in order to keep connection.

Layer by layer, it has all been loosening.

When I received the message that this retrograde might be the “final shedding,” I expected something dramatic. Another release. Another cutting away. Another decision.

But the first download that came was surprisingly gentle:

What if the final shedding isn’t about getting rid of anything?

What if it’s about intentionally choosing what to add?

For so long, growth has felt like removal.

Let go.

Detach.

Release.

Set boundaries.

Stop tolerating.

Walk away.

All necessary. All important.

But today something shifted.

Rather than focusing my energy on eliminating what doesn’t serve my highest good, I feel drawn to place my attention on intentionally inviting in what does.

Instead of “getting rid of unhealthy patterns,”

I am choosing nourishing food, rest, and movement that honors my body.

Instead of “cutting off draining dynamics,”

I am cultivating relationships that feel reciprocal and steady.

Instead of trying to dismantle old behaviors,

I am practicing new ones that feel aligned.

It feels less like destruction and more like curation.

Not tearing down a house —

but arranging it thoughtfully.

Not stripping myself bare —

but layering in warmth.

This approach feels kinder to my nervous system. It feels creative rather than defensive. Expansive rather than reactive. Healthful.

Maybe this is what true shedding looks like after enough healing has already occurred. Not dramatic endings — but quiet refinement.

A steady becoming.

I don’t know what this retrograde will bring. I don’t need it to bring anything spectacular.

If this is the final layer, perhaps it is simply the identity of the woman who believed she had to work so hard to deserve her own becoming.

And perhaps now, I just begin choosing.

Inviting.

Placing.

Cultivating.

Allowing.

If this is shedding, it feels like grace.

And that feels exactly right.

This feels like the beginning of something I’m calling Retrograde Downloads — small reflections during this season of review and refinement. Not predictions. Not superstition. Just intentional pauses to notice what is shifting. If this season is about recalibration, then I am choosing to recalibrate toward beauty, nourishment, and alignment. That, to me, is grace in a beautiful mess — not fixing myself, but gently becoming.